he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
