I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
