My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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