She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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