"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
