Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
