vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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