im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
