69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
