I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
