Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
