We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
