i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
