is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
