Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
