i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
