you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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