jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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