Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
