Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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