I think im going to throw up on grandma
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
