wakey wakey hands off snakey
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Quick, to the slutcave!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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