How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
