how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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