i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
