btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would ride that face into the sunset
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
