I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
