Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick

(541): View more from Oregon

the rest of him looks just as crooked

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me

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(250): View more from British Columbia

A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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(206): View more from Washington

woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel

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(520): View more from Arizona

They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?

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(770): View more from Georgia

You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD

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