What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize