Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.

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  (314): Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead. (573): Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what. http://tfl.nu/rrcf
  Replies (8) Good night (1415) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now

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  (423): ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now http://tfl.nu/2rfn
  Replies (27) Good night (5067) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  In America we eat man semen.

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  (210): In America we eat man semen. http://tfl.nu/5eyy
  Replies (33) Good night (3172) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I love having hate sex.

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  (705): I love having hate sex. http://tfl.nu/fz63
  Replies (43) Good night (5207) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

  (310): View more from California

  And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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  (310): LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers. (310): And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow. http://tfl.nu/mkft
  Replies (26) Good night (4131) Bad night (1206)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.

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  (740): he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero. http://tfl.nu/6a8a
  Replies (10) Good night (3438) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.

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  (312): My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger. http://tfl.nu/m23s
  Replies (10) Good night (793) Bad night (4761)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.

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  (402): The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again. http://tfl.nu/sd6x
  Replies (11) Good night (1485) Bad night (3542)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?

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  (401): Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried? http://tfl.nu/xci2
  Replies (14) Good night (3832) Bad night (1405)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.

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  (518): He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong. http://tfl.nu/r133
  Replies (2) Good night (1257) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.

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  (970): I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message. http://tfl.nu/3foq
  Replies (6) Good night (1927) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters

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  (401): Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters http://tfl.nu/a1rx
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD

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  (724): Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD http://tfl.nu/rhmm
  Replies (4) Good night (864) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."

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  (860): When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed." http://tfl.nu/60fs
  Replies (0) Good night (542) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.

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  (651): OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high. http://tfl.nu/rjps
  Replies (2) Good night (1163) Bad night (603)

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