I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?