I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.