Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs