Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.

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  (978): why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk. http://tfl.nu/9kux
  Replies (19) Good night (689) Bad night (2853)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.

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  (612): I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous. http://tfl.nu/oxg9
  Replies (18) Good night (4920) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date

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  (937): Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date http://tfl.nu/jct3
  Replies (44) Good night (6266) Bad night (1170)
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  (510): View more from California

  come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.

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  (510): come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy. http://tfl.nu/dyh1
  Replies (18) Good night (5809) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it

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  (603): Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it http://tfl.nu/mjt1
  Replies (17) Good night (7081) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

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  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11701) Bad night (2055)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said

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  (419): I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said http://tfl.nu/s0mp
  Replies (21) Good night (4697) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

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  (917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b
  Replies (44) Good night (1803) Bad night (6849)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am

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  (610): i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am http://tfl.nu/8pmq
  Replies (16) Good night (850) Bad night (3072)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.

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  (317): I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once. http://tfl.nu/p9x8
  Replies (0) Good night (1917) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.

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  (215): so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/j7g1
  Replies (12) Good night (1401) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?

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  (913): Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk? http://tfl.nu/ufjz
  Replies (6) Good night (871) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.

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  (301): Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you. http://tfl.nu/00du
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST

  (573): View more from Missouri

  TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL

  (573): View more from Missouri

  AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT

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  (573): BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST (573): TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL (573): AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT http://tfl.nu/zuh3
  Replies (5) Good night (529) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  .....fair enough

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  (419): it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong? (1-419): .....fair enough http://tfl.nu/x8b2
  Replies (0) Good night (508) Bad night (228)

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