I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space