I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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