this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
