i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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