i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
