4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
