Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
