God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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