All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
