i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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