THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
