I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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