So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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