I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
