I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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