im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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