That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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