Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
