dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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