Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize