You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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