My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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