Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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