No more Irish car bombs ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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