yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
