Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize