This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize