put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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