He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
