I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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