He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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