I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
