I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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