Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
