this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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