I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i think i just lost a toe
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
