She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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